Tuesday, May 01, 2012

A recent Top Gear Programme

In the Middle East Special 26 December 2010, the presenters are challenged to perform the journey of the Three Wise Men by travelling from northern Iraq to a stable in Bethlehem, using second-hand two-seater convertibles bought for £3,500. As Israel will not allow cars registered in its surrounding neighbours to enter its borders, they must buy cars from Georgia before flying to their destination in an Ilyushin Il-76TD cargo plane. Jeremy buys a Mazda MX-5, Richard a Fiat Barchetta and James a BMW Z3. As in previous challenges, a spare car is provided to any presenter whose car breaks down. For this challenge, that car is an Opel Astra convertible - a car disliked greatly by all three presenters.

After landing at Arbil International Airport in Iraqi Kurdistan, the three decide that it is too dangerous to drive directly to Bethlehem for fear of road bombs or mines in travelling through the stronghold of Mosul. Instead, Jeremy proposes a circuitous route that involves travelling east and crossing into Iran and then doubling back into Turkey and down into Syria to avoid the dangers of Iraq. However, once they reach the Iranian border, they find that for "political reasons", BBC staff are not permitted to cross into Iran. They manage to find a route back across Iraq to the Turkish border that bypasses Mosul.

Once inside Turkey, they discover that they have a bigger problem: a Kurdish insurgency is attempting to claim the southern provinces of Turkey and that the region has been declared a war zone, with the Foreign Ministry issuing a document that states all non-essential travel should be avoided. The presenters are given four hours to travel the 363 kilometres (226 mi) to Şanlıurfa, a safe city, before nightfall, a journey that will force them to travel through the unsafe region of Şırnak. Jeremy experiences trouble with his Mazda, but all three are able to make it to the hotel.

They finally turn south and enter Syria. Once inside, they discover that Top Gear is enormously popular in Syria, which they are less than enthusiastic about because Israel will not allow them into the country if they have been in Syria, and any word of their presence in the country will spread like wildfire and tip the Israelis off before they can get to the border.

Jeremy proposes that they "sneak through" the country by modifying their cars for desert travel. Richard models his Fiat on a Bedouin tent, while James takes inspiration from the Afrika Korps and models his BMW on a desert army unit. Meanwhile, Jeremy paints his car in bright colours to resemble the story of Joseph and his coat of many colours, making it Jeremy and his Car of Many Colours. He also installs the "Axle of Evil" to make his Mazda a six-wheeled vehicle, though this quickly proves to hinder him more than it helps.

While travelling through the desert, Richard's radiator nearly falls out and Jeremy is bitten by an unidentified insect that causes his arm to swell up. Of more concern is an accident whilst attempting to drag a car out of a sand trap; James May is knocked over by the strap used to haul the car out and receives a head wound when he hits his head on a rock. He is taken to a nearby hospital while Jeremy and Richard carry on. They soon find a road near Palmyra and change their tactics: rather than disguising their cars, they disguise themselves, meeting May at the hospital dressed in burqas and attempt to drive to Damascus incognito. Their efforts are in vain, because word has spread that they are in the country and there is a welcoming party at their hotel.

The next day, they cross into Jordan and arrive in Jerash, where they invent the sport of "Old Testament NASCAR", racing their cars around a two thousand year old chariot racing circuit. With that, they cross into Israel and make a slight detour to the Sea of Galilee, where Jeremy tries to convince the others that everyday activities and natural occurrences - James' head wound and his arm healing, Richard not liking fish at lunch, walking on water and inventing the sport of swimming - are all miracles that he had performed. On the Mount of Olives, overlooking Jerusalem, they unanimously declare Richard's Fiat to be the best car, because James hated the transmission of his Z3, which he described as having gear ratios so spread out that he could fit another gearbox between them, and Jeremy did not develop an attachment to the MX-5.

That night they finally make it to Bethlehem, where they arrive at a nativity scene with gifts they have purchased in Syria: a gold-relief medallion, a bottle of hotel shampoo labelled frankincense and a Nintendo DSi because Jeremy could not find any myrrh. They peel back the covers on the manger to discover that the baby Jesus is actually a baby Stig.

2 comments:

Ho Keung and Yin Ping said...

Life is certainly more interesting with the existence of these men!

psng said...

I watched the season on Netflix a couple months back. Love Jeremy Clarkson. I don’t have Top Gear (UK) on my TV service. But usually a few months after the season ended, the complete season will be available on Netflix.